Spending My Time

....“You know what makes my problems bigger then everyone else's? They're mine.”
I love this quote. Once I used it in an interview. I told myself that I'm not going to fake or lie or give a textbook answer in the interview. I cant stand all of that, so when the panel of interviewer ask me, "Why should they give me the scholarship?"

This is my reply:"You know what makes my problems bigger then everyone else's? They're mine...So it doesn't really matter if you gave it to me or somebody else, I'm sure it will benefit the person and to your association one way or another. I can't decide for you or make you choose me. All that I can say is that with or without this scholarship I'm going to achieve my goal. I hope by just doing so, I will inspired the others to pursue their dream....."

...and I got the scholarship...cocky? maybe but I just being honest...

Now this quote came haunting me again. Life has been very challenging the past few months. I dont really know how to go about but I just have to. Quite a number of people around me complaint about their life. As though I have no problem at all, I just not able to said it out most of the time. So what do I do...I stare at the sun or space out. Thinking about the "birds" in and out of the cage....

P.s: the quote is from All McBeal Tv series...

Naked As We Were

IT’S ABOUT THE CYCLE
ROUND AND ROUND
TIME AND TIME
AGAIN.
SIMILAR BUT NOT THE SAME.
EACH ONE ,
ON A DIFFERENT PLANE.
STARTING FROM A POINT,
LAYERS OF HISTORY,
RECYCLE.
TO THE POINT
OF COMING BACK
TO NOTHING.
FOR WHAT IS WORTH,
STILL EMBRACING
LIFE AND BEING
… AND STILL SMILING.

YES, I want it but I dont need it.
At the end of the day I silently
Walk away. I decided to keep
the silent and continue smiling.
Thanks tegdirb haras, I'm ok.

English Rose

As the sun set
Thousand of Stories
Dreams and Riddles
Seductively illustrating
In one’s mind
The beauty of life
The beauty to die
The beauty of lie
The beauty to hide
The beauty of might
The beauty to fight
The beauty of separation
The beauty to deception
The beauty of love
The beauty to serve
The possibility seems endless
In this mysterious journey
Of this insomniac enemy
As he slips into the heat
In the course of learning
About being.

Trying not to look back in anger
and continue smiling.

Iftar

Coffee and tea
You and me
An evening
Staring
Into history and theology
Of what a day makes
A difference in perspective
Went off on the tangent
Carefully measured words
Lost in translation
An unspoken pass
Sits beside awkwardly
Projection on the wall
Says it all
One existence
As a question
As an answer
As a test
Not a wrongdoing
But the role of being
Embracing
The purpose of it all
And carry on living


....Two friends of 'a different kind'
unwinding and reflecting
Thanks B for the evening
Have a good midweek rest..

Paint it Black

Unrecognisable
The self
Getting tired
And need somewhere
To begin
One believe
One doing
One commit
Self inwardly
The order of being
Un-Fastening the button, hook, catch and clasp
Striping away the social fabric
Sheets of empty canvas waiting
To be painted
When there is nothing else to paint
i paint
As a believe
As a reminder
As a form of hope
This passionate commitment
Might change one being
And rejuvenate
This jaded mind….

Let me Be..

Sigh!
I’ve to sleep with me
Again and forever,
Disappointed by the others
Disappointment to the others.
Eyes shut
The mind ponders
The heart
Never stops gazing
Through the slitted pain
And the ears
Never stop listening
Perturbed by the whispering
Of the soul(s)
A complicated
Painful path
Trapped
Between the brick wall
And the trails of blood.
Then again maybe
It was not meant to be
A lifelong search for peace
Start and End with
Two biggest disappointments
That could ever be
Me not forgiving
And letting it be.
For now let me be
Just one major disappointment
And that is me ….
the enemy

forgive me for what I have done,
What I have not and for the things
I may do….

The One Not There

i lost
me
to a Point
and i thank You.
Reflection
Reflective
Relationship
Vulnerability in full grace
coming to term with One
being.
while circling through Space
searching and eyeing
what was not meant to be
me.
imperfection
best not to be ignored
but to highlight
and embrace.
i seek
forgiveness
for claiming
its me.
embarrass
by the light shone
for it is His will
that i be.
And i thank You
and you
…for being

The Love Road To Ruin...

The heart murmurs softly
On this overcast Journey
Gasping to sustain the pace
Of this Life that turns into a race
Listening to all that been told
Sifting for the precious gold
This Quest cause strained
Pain is a form of gained
A cathartic palace
For those, who embraced

"Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe
And to love you" .. The Hollies

Weathered Man

…In this sunny island
An occasional rain is expected
It wash away some dirt
Fills up the rivers and sea
Still it is the same to me…

The cycle of life...
... I need a break

One Fine Day

It starts with Once upon a time…
A time that is worth “A Thousand times over!”
From ground Zero turning ‘trash into gold’
An effort to clean up the sight
For those who in need.

Along came Fred
With a feast
Of stories
To replenish the weary heart and mind
For those who seek.

It started with a selfish act
And it ends with a selfless deed.
Looking up to the sky for the answer
To break the ice and put the smile backs
Into those who bled.

Hope is in a form of a kite
That took a flight
A frown
Turned upside down
Forging a smile, worthy of a crown.

Meanwhile two friends decide to take it easy
On a beautiful day
Silently “dream..
Flowers will bloom in the streets again...
And kites will fly in the skies!”

“A Thousand times over!”
I’ll listen to your stories my friend


P.S- Yes, if you need to know, I wept and no onion is required...

Weird “L”

Loser
Lives
Lamenting
Life

Lost
Lover
Laboriously
Looking

Lust
Lapsed
Love
Lingers

Living
Logic
Loomed
Late

Love
Language
Lit
Life

Late
Love
Last
Longer


Live and let live
At the end what do I know ...
I'm just a seeker ...

A dog's life

Running in circles
Chasing my own tale
Relativity
I would End up
Where I Start off
The end in the Beginning
Is the End….

I’m just a memory….
Even if its in just a Ghoose tale….
And I thank you…

Back to the Roots

Title: Di Balik Cermin Mimpi
Artist: M. Nasir


Title: Kepada Mu Kekasih
Artist: M. Nasir

Leave a Mark

Each breath,
Each jerk,
Each move,
Each dot,
Each stroke,
Each line,
Each squiggle,
Each splash of colour,
On the canvas,
Create a mark.
No matter how big or small
It still a mark nevertheless...

The Heart Of The Matter

Its sit inside the darkest place
Drowned in the blood
Entangled with the wired veins
Caged by the ribs
Wrapped by the skin
Heard only when its not in tune
Seen only when its not working
Such a lonely place and feeling
This heart is just looking for a companion
To beat harmoniously together
Working towards life
And celebrating its glory
Yet it didn’t screams out loud
But murmurs gently
So what is wrong with me?


“Assurance whispers in the heart’s dark core”. (Attar)

Steady

Just as I thought its safe
To get up
Brush off the dirt
And walk away....
My legs wobbled
I fell and have to start
All over again!

Fall (Evening with Zero Zero)

Its contagious my friend
And the sleepless night too
The Bottle of Happiness that we bought
Make us drunk with thoughts
That is further away from this world
Compared to the half-moon we seen last night
We talk about the 13 Oceans
And the Legend that Falls
About the bird that wake you in the morning
To the Bird that invite you to Tuesday evening
We pondered about Life long learning
Only to realise it start from within
We examined the Body of Friends we have
The meddler, the critics, the self-absorbed...
But conclude that we Love Them All The Same
We speak about being creative
Then come out with the word "Inspirator"
Creatively define as the person who inspired others
How high can we get from that bottle of happiness
We confessed about the Dreams
The one denied and realised
We discussed about the matter of the heart
As well as the Season
We shared a cab back
but left the Door ajar...

Am having a hang over the day after
Maybe we'll write a book about it some day
Same time tomorrow!

Breathe Easy

Each and every breath
Bring me closer to death
It is inevitable
So why ignore it
I’ll try to embrace it fully
As every moment
Could be my last
Looking forward to the last day of mine
Its not that life is not worth living
Or a case of tired of this life
For whatever its worth
To be with the One I love
The Creator of mankind and everything else
To have that peace and tranquility
For eternity is priceless
Life is not measured by the breaths we take
But by the moments that take our breath
Subahana-Allah


*Was not feeling well for the past couple of days, Alhamdulilah.

Silent Night!

The mute scream in the
Dark,
Gloomy,
Cold,
Lonely,
Night.
Piercing through the
Clear,
Thin,
Air.
Not a soul
Will care
Thought of the.
Breath is
Louder,
Clearer.
But how many are
Aware
Anybody
Care?

Stand By Me

Words they don't come easy to me
In need to find a way
To express my appreciation to Him
For everything that He have given to me
And for all that, He didn’t give me
Or yet to give
He knows me best
Better than I know myself
At times when I gave up on myself
He didn’t give up on me
O Your Merciful
I surrender myself to You
I have not shown enough
Of my gratitude to You
Forgive me…Forgive me…Forgive me
And All Praises are to You
I thank You, I thank You
I cant thank You enough...